I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
