my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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