My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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