My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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