I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
