You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
