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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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