Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
