All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
