Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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