Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
