i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
there's paper in my vomit.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
