Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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