I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
