the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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