so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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