You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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