If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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