I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
