she is the kim kardashian of front butts
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
