Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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