You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
