i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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