i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
