I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
