a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we're making bets on your personal life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
