Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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