i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
