break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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