Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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