Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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