I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
