idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
