You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
