I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
