Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
