just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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