I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
