just come out here and I will go home with you...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize