6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
