I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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