i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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