someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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