last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
