Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
