you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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