we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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