we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
