So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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