i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize