Jerry, you need to find god
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
