ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
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One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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