I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just high enough for therapy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
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Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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