You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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