If that was your dad, he is hot
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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