i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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