why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
