I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My dick has a subreddit
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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