I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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