Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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