If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
