I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize