How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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