and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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