so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
