i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
