What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
