Got a toothbrush?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
