we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize